mst3kfreezer

For those who saw the title of this MSTing and jumped to an obvious conclusion, I apologize for the marked lack of Steve Urkel. For everyone who wasn't chased away by that admission, what is to come is even better.

A fic that contains Twilight, Harry Potter, and Buffy The Vampire Slayer, with Pirates of the Caribbean as the central core. What that concept lacks in "How does that work" it makes up for in pure author appeal and guileless fangirl fantasizing. The voodoo sharks swim thick and deep in this one, folks. Shout out to the good folk at the WTF Fanfiction Tumblr for unearthing this gem.

For the untouched (and as yet, unfinished) fic, go here:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4709372/1/Family-Matters-HARRY-POTTER-ENTRY

And as always, comments and random rantings welcome here or at mysterysciencefreezer@yahoo.com

And on with the disclaimers:

Rifftrax is the property Rifftrax and Legend Films. Family Matters is property of ifairyu. All other characters are property of more companies than I have energy to name.

WARNING: This MiSTing contains riffs referring to, inspired by,and/or ripped off from :

Fifty Shades of Grey, Tangled, Lord of the Rings, Ghostbusters, Saturday Night Live, The Beast of Yucca Flats, Highlander, "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt", Rifftrax: Jack The Giant Killer, Stevie Ray Vaughn's "Look At Little Sister", The Flintstones, South Park, Gilligan's Island, Ice-T's "Six In The Morning", Cheers, The Simpsons, Attack Of The Eye Creatures, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Star Trek, True Blood, The Tonight Show, Gone With The Wind, Rocky & Bullwinkle, The Eye of Argon and Pirates XXX.

And now please enjoy this MSTing of Family Matters, featuring the crew from Rifftrax.

Remember how I said The Scar was the longest fic I'd ever soloed? Well disregard that. THIS is the longest - and I skipped a chapter.

This is a story that was offered up to me by the author, one Usagi Hoshiko, whom I've tackled twice before (Life's Surprises and New Beginnings... neither of which I've reuploaded here </my_shame_is_great>). It's another multiverse crossover presumably set in the same univerese as her other two offerings. This time the focus Sailor Moon and her crew (minus Saturn, who is never mentioned at all, and Luna, Artemis and Diana where it's never explained why they didn't come along.) who get invites to attend Hogwarts for a year (Nope, that's not explained either). After obligatory cross-cultural hijinks (in which the Harry Potter crew is basically reduced to supporting characters), the monster of the week shows up (sort of), smites a few students (including Colin Creevey, who seems to be the fandom's designated redshirt) and is generally MUHAHAHAHA evil for no hinted at reason (other than that's what "youma" do when Sailor Moon is around, I suppose). Eventually, the Ronin Warriors (or the Samurai Troopers as our little otaku insists on calling them) and Gohan of Dragonball Z are called in. And stuff kind of happens. (For certain values of "happens.")

Folks this is a fic that gives more attention to Quidditch than to the battles against the Big Bad.

For those curious about the original, untouched fic:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/347565/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Senshi-s-Circle

Anyway, on with the disclaimers:

Cinematic Titanic is the property of and are used without permission. Harry Potter and the Senshi's Circle is the property of Usagi Hoshiko and is used with permission.

WARNING: The following fic contains references to and lines ripped off from: Monty Python, Soap, "The Tyger", Perfect Strangers, Ranma 1/2, "To Catch a Predator," Jeopardy!, DeBarge, Abbot and Costello, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Seinfeld, Yogi's Ark, Cheers, Hercules Unchained, Discworld, Final Fantasy, Gilligan's Island, The Shadow, Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire, Little Shop of Horrors, Lolita, Futurama, "The Badger Song," Zork, Atop The Fourth Wall, Joe Quesada, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Run DMC, Last Chance To Live, The Simpsons, The Mickey Mouse Club, The Superfriends, and South Park.

And now we present: Harry Potter and the Senshi's Circle, featuring Cinematic Titanic.

This kind of blatant, power-tripping, "look how cool I am" self-insert is getting harder to find, outside of parodies. Not only does our bright young friend, DeathBlade131313 construct a gun-toting, author-appealing badass (who sounds suspiciously like an amalgam of Kick-Ass, Casey Jones from TMNT and The Punisher), but explicitly alters the rules of the Mortal Kombat universe to make his OC, Black Scar, even more badass. The story (So far) is that 16 year-old Kyle (AKA, infamous vigilante Black Scar) receives a summons for the Mortal Kombat tournament. Once there, he makes fast friends with Sonya Blade and Kurtis Stryker. And also attracts the lustful longings of Kitana... so much so that she's willing to murder Sonya to keep Black Scar to herself... before she even learns Sonya or Kyle's name. Oh and Liu Kang and Raiden show up mid-way through Chapter 4... just so Kyle can punk them both.

This is oldschool Marty Stu-ing, folks. Bask in it!

This is also the longest feature I've ever tackled solo. Yay for me!

(ETA: Almost forgot) You can see the untouched version for yourself here.

Now, on with the disclaimers!

Rifftrax and all related character are property of Rifftrax and Legend Films. The Scar is property of DeathBlade131313. All used without permission.

WARNING: This MSTing contains riffs referring to, inspired by, and/or ripped off from:

Life cereal, Star Wars, Friday the 13th, Spider-Man, Black Sabbath, the first Iron Man movie, Disney's Mighty Ducks animated, The Lion King, Insane Clown Posse, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, That 70s Show, "Wear Sunscreen", The Phantom Tollbooth, The Magic Sword, the NCAA Final Four, Stephanie Mills, Track Of The Moon Beast, Life, the Fantastic Four cartoon (70s vintage), The Simpsons, The Princess Bride, Weird Al Yankovic, Clash of the Titans, The Coneheads, Star Trek, CSI Miami, The Munsters. Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, The Warriors, Quantum Leap, World Championship Wrestling, TV Tropes, Men In Black, Doctor Who, Doom, Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody", Gladiator, and Semisonic's "Closing Time".

And now: The Scar.

Imagine, the worst, sloppiest Afterschool Special you've can imagine. Now imagine the subject of this special was abusive boyfriends AND sexual assault. Now imagine that this AS starred the cast of Danny Phantom. A Danny Phantom where neither Danny uses his powers in all of one scene (and it's nowhere near the climax), there are no ghosts to be found and the main character is Valarie [sic] Gray. NOW imagine that the whole thing was written by Torgo.

Congratulations: You have the gist of "Someone To Love Me." And it's even worse than you thought.

This well may be THE worst fic I've ever MSTed. And yes, I include Brightheart The Cub Sitter, Scooby Did! and Captain America/Sailor Venus: Passing The Torch. Whereas those fics might have contained offensive content, they had it all over this one in terms of coherence. I honestly can't tell if this was a troll fic or not, and the link I had for the original is dead. I like to think it was, but would think a troll would put more OOMPH into being offensive, rather than just annoying.

I honestly don't remember when I picked this up - probably when The House of Bad Fanfiction (alias neo-GAFF 1.0) was still going. It's been sitting in my Dropbox folder and I decided to finish it. ANd gave up halfway through, because you can only go "Damn this is stupid" or "What the hell just happened" so many times before you just have to give up and walk away. Hopefully, what I have down before I threw in the towel is amusing enough.

And since it was so long ago, it was before I really got into Rifftrax. So the alternate cast I was working with was that of Cinematic Titanic. For those who don't know, Cinematic Titanic is basically a more meta version of MST3K (or it was, until they started focusing on live shows instead of the storyline). In it, Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Frank Conniff, Josh Weinstein and Mary Jo Pehl have been retained (it was never specified if they went voluntarily or were kidnapped) by a mysterious organization, claiming to be from the future, where a disaster has destroyed all recorded media. They've traveled back in time and hope to preserve current media with the help of the old MST3K crew. (The MST3K Mantra is in full effect, so don't bother asking any questions).

Confused? You won't be, after this episode of Fanfictional Titanic! And now on with the disclaimers.

Cinematic Titanic and all related characters are property of .Cinema Titan LLC. "Someone To Love Me" is property of someone who's name is long lost to me. If anyone wants to claim it and claim proper credit... Why?

WARNING: The following contains references borrowed and/or ripped off from: Animaniacs, Wayne's World, Bob Segar & The Silver Bullet Band, A Simple Plan, Linkin Park, Batman (1989), Manos: The Hand of Fate, Britney Spears, and Game of Thrones.

Someone To Love Me

This was an odd one. I'm not sure what would make someone think, "You know what Transformers needs? A romance? You know what would make that romance special? If the woman was a vampire!" But here's the result. Well, the partial result, as the fic is on hiatus at the moment. Of course, since there's seven chapters so far and the two presumed principles have had all of one awkward conversation, and there's been far more interaction between the vampiress Roxanne and Capt. Lennox - whom I didn't realize was Capt. Lennox until I read commentary on Why, God, Why pointing it out. Sad part is, once I realized it and reread what I had so far, that bit of knowledge made absolutely no difference.

I am a firm believer that any story idea can be made readable with a sufficiently skilled writer. Those skills are simply not in evidence here. See it untouched for yourself here:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7155915

And once I went through and annotated the riff references, I realized this probably the biggest story I've ever tackled solo. Yay?

An on with the disclaimers:

Rifftrax and all related character are property of Rifftrax and Legend Films. "Unbreak My Spark" is property of Vampirerex1. All used without permission.

WARNING: This MSTing contains riffs referring to, inspired by, and/or ripped off from:

John Mellencamp, the Twilight series, Knight Rider, Chuck, True Blood, The Police, Janet Jackson, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga, Lord Of the Rings, The Simpsons, Bravestarr, Austin Powers, Jeopardy!, DC Comics, Saturday Night Live, Ultra Brite toothpaste, Looney Toons, Road House, Fawlty Towers, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Paul Harvey, The Room, Little Shop of Horrors, The B-52s, The Big Lebowski and Toni Braxton.

For those who don't know what the G1 Transformers Scene Change sounds like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9uby_uhua0

Unbreak My Spark

It's been more than two years since my last MSTing type foray.  I really meant to do more of this, but I just haven't found the time or materials.  Or maybe I'm just lazy, I dunno.  But either way, this little nugget of Harry Potter Wish Fulfillment joy was revealed to me courtesy the Why, God, Why? Forums (GAFF spiritual successor #3 – shout out to user szaleniec for the find.)  I really am trying to put more effort into finding and writing up more of these.  (We need more classic-style MSTings out there rather than mere "sporkings") And towards that end, and for a change of pace.  This time, I'm using the Rifftrax crew and style.  If anyone else is using Mike, Bill and Kevin in such a manner, I haven't seen it (and if they are, I'd like to).

If anyone wants to get in-depth on this fic (for whatever reason), it has a TV Tropes entry:

And on with the disclaimers: Rifftrax and all related characters are the property of Legend Films, Inc. "The Last War" is the property of Lady of Pale Emerald Fires, and she's welcome to it.

WARNING: This MSTing contains riffs referring to,inspired by, and/or ripped off from: Senor Wences, Jeopardy!, "Manos: The Hands of Fate", "The Cats In The Cradle" by Harry Chapin, "Married With Children", The Flintstones, Looney Toons, Batman, Spider-Man, Spawn, The DOOM comic, The Jerry Springer Show, ECW wrestling, Mortal Kombat, James Joyce's "Ulysses", "Farscape", The Simpsons, Citizen Kaine, The Matrix, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and the Exxon Valdez.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5997438/1/The_Last_War

The Last War

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This was my first foray into what could be considered one of the bedrocks of MSTable material - the Sailor Moon lemon. And some sour ones they are! Those who may be offended (And frankly, if this shiznit doesn't offend you at all, I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!) may want to hit the back button R-A-T RIGHT now! Otherwise, hopefully I've added enough sugar to make lemonade of this crap.

If you really MUST know what the rot-13 scrambled text in "Passing The Torch" says, go here, or read the un-MSTed text here

And here for the un-MSTed Chibi-usa...

And (if you're through puking) here for Chibi-usa II.

And on with the disclaimers:

Mystery Science Theatre 3000 and all related characters are the property of Best Brains, Inc. "Sailor Venus/Captain America: Passing the Torch" is the property of Jason Faust. "Chibi-usa's Lover"and

Chibi-usa's Lover II" are the property of Florida Orange, and both are welcome to them.

And as always, comments/C&C/flames/death threats can be directed below.


WARNING: This MSTing contains riffs referring to,inspired by, and/or ripped off from 10-10-220, The Charlie Daniels Band, "Die Hard With A Vengeance", The Rolling Stones, "Mambo #5", The Doors, the first Batman movie, The WWE, Super Bowl XXV, Petey Pablo, "St. Elsewhere", "Hogan's Heroes", Metallica, Little Red Riding Hood, "Slayers", Sisqo, "The Simpsons", and Queen.

[[ Season three theme song - Sing along! You know the words! ]]